Cognitive Test | Episode 281

All right, you guys, podcast time.

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Give our show away for free and tell no one how to find it.

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I'm gonna start a podcast that has no focus, and it'll take up an inordinate amount of time.

Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, to another riveting episode of the Boomer Bunker, the podcast that tackles the tough topics, share some laughs, and dive headfirst into the sea of controversy.

With no life jackets in sight, I'm thrilled to introduce your hosts, the dynamic duo who bring wisdom, wit, and a whole lot of candor.

First up, she's the voice of reason with a dash of sass, always ready to call it like she sees it.

The Duchess.

And joining her, he's the no nonsense sidekick armed with bold opinions and a bald head that's ready to shine.

John Jamingo.

Together, they'll navigate the latest headlines, dive into deep debates, and maybe even share a pee bucket anecdote or two.

So buckle up and get ready for a conversation that's as lively as it is enlightening.

Without further ado, here are Duchess and Jamingo.

Hey, ho, ho, ho, you hoes.

I am your host, John Domingo, and giggles my puss.

Over here, the Duchess.

You know, the new one.

We start the show, and every time we start to chug.

I hear that little giggle in the very beginning.

It cracks me up.

No, don't stop doing it.

I love it.

It's hysterical.

Oh, there you go.

Bruce says it's the trophy wife.

It's the trophy wife.

Oh, is it the trophy wife.

Oh, okay.

Well, that.

That goes back to our A Discord discussion.

If anybody's on our Discord.

There was a question as to what makes a trophy wife, so there was.

One that you can.

One that's screwed on the table.

Hi.

Oh, throw that bell away.

I don't know.

Yeah, I'm in a hat today.

My hair.

I have bad hair today, so it's a hat.

Yeah, there you go.

It was funny when we first came on here, I didn't want to say anything because I couldn't really see well, and I wasn't sure if you had your hair dyed and it was, like, a little dark.

What the hell did you do to your hair?

And I'm not going to say right before we go live.

What the hell did you do to your hair?

I know.

I fuss with my hair like, the half hour before the show.

I'm a season with it.

I'm seasoned.

I know.

You never say, oh, you look fat in that or what to do to your hair.

What do you do?

I didn't say any of that.

Although I was on Today testing Studio B.

You were?

And I got called fat right out of the gate.

I was like, what the hell?

I'm over here losing weight.

You know who else is on the Ozempic?

Elon Musk.

Elon Musk.

I had seen that.

He's thinning out.

People are getting on the Ozempnik.

They are.

We'll see what happens.

Oh, you know what I'm doing in the beginning of this year?

I'm going carnivore.

Well, I'm a little nervous about Carnivore because they say that if you eat a lot of protein, it's really bad.

It's hard on your kidneys.

And I'm like, why have you decided to go carnivore?

Like, is there a medical reason?

I just hear that.

Are you just like, today's the day?

No, I hear that.

It really makes it.

First of all, it helps you really lose weight, and I hear it makes you feel better.

But I don't want to ruin my kidneys by, you know, have it.

Trying to produce, too.

You know, piss out all that protein.

Well, maybe just a wild thing to say.

Talk to your doctor.

Oh, I knew you were gonna say, talk to your doctor.

Well, they would be the best ones to suggest it, but it's probably more like cleaner eating would be good.

Well, that's what I've been doing.

Clean eating, cleaner.

No, I'm not saying.

You're not.

I'm just saying that might be a better start to.

Except for yesterday.

Yesterday.

All right.

Christmas doesn't count.

Christmas calories should never count.

They make that.

So we go.

So this is how we do it.

We have the.

I go over there in the morning.

Josh from New Hampshire says, doctors.

So I go over in the morning, and then we have the breakfast.

And I mean, it's got.

It's the bacon, it's the sausage, it's the so good French toast casserole, cinnamon buns.

I mean, it's.

You know, you've got eggs.

It's crazy.

So.

Although this year, I gotta be honest with you, this year I just had, like, I took a little bit of everything, a little small bit of everything because I didn't want to be sick.

Especially when you're on this medication, if you eat too much, it makes you nauseous.

I didn't want that.

So I ate like.

I ate like an old lady, you know, I just took a little.

I'll have a little bit.

A little bit of this, a little bit of that.

No.

So I had that.

And, you know, and then I think.

I think I had.

Throughout the day, I think I had three cookies.

A snickerdoodle, which is my favorite.

A hot chocolate cookie.

And then the other one was a.

I can't remember what the other one was, but it was something new.

But it was really, really good.

It had, like, toffee and stuff in it.

It was really good.

Anyhow, so then we do that, and then we turn into Jews.

What we do is we go.

We order Chinese food.

Yeah.

Like the Jews.

We order Chinese food for.

For dinner.

And this year, all I did was I got some sushi and fried Rumplings.

Fried Rumplings.

Fried dumplings.

Yeah, those are tasty.

I like the Crab Rangoons, but without the crab meat.

Like, just the.

Just the rangoon.

Yeah.

I don't like crab.

Oh, God.

What's those little.

You know what they are, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love.

They're.

They're fantastic.

Crab Rangoon.

Yeah.

So I got the.

So then.

Then I came with you on snickerdoodles being the official Christmas.

Oh, they are so good.

I love a snickerdoodle.

And here's the thing.

The wontons.

Oh, yeah.

Fried wontons are pretty good, too.

Oh, so good.

So I like that better than turkey, I'll be honest with you.

So was it your whole family?

How many people?

Now, the girls.

You know, the girls are.

They've got boyfriends now.

So they're there in the morning, and then they go off, and they.

Off.

They all go to the boyfriend dinner at the boyfriends.

Yeah, exactly.

Oh, let me show you something.

I gotta show you this.

I forgot.

I wanted to get a closer.

You gotta see.

This is awesome.

Yeah.

Okay, so for.

You have to watch my daughter.

John got a cool gift.

My daughter and her.

And her boyfriend bought me this thing.

And it's a cane.

Walking stick.

Cane.

But it's a sword cane.

Here's the problem.

Watch this.

Listen, everybody.

I'm unscrewing this thing.

What the.

So you don't accidentally.

Hey, you stay over there until I can get my.

Yeah.

Look at this.

Holy shit.

It's really.

Is it a sword?

It's a sword.

Yeah.

I mean, it's a sword.

But wants you to go.

Please yell, you shall not pass.

Shall not pass.

None shall pass.

All right, so I was talking to Deuce, and as one does, and he said.

Oh, he's.

His has.

Is a push Button.

Listen, here I am, look over here, trying to get this thing screwed back together.

But this is so heavy.

This only takes two days to take out.

And these little points are so sharp.

Like if anybody really came in and I really had to use this weapon, I just hit them this.

Yeah, that would do it.

That would take them out.

There would be blood drawn.

Well, I think that's a pretty awesome gift.

It is pretty cool.

It was like one.

You know how you always get like practical gifts?

Like I got a Philadelphia Eagle shirt and I got some other shirts and stuff.

But that's like one of your fun gifts that you get my son.

You can stabby, stabby people with.

That's a fun gift.

Yeah.

My son took and got a Legos Eagles helmet and he put together.

Oh, that's awesome.

A Legos Eagles helmet.

And he put it in a, in a case and.

And he's like, what do you say to me?

He says, he says, I know you.

You'll knock it over and then break it all apart.

He says, so I spray glued it so they spray glue it and it doesn't fall apart.

Well, that's pretty cool.

That's actually very smart.

Yeah, it's over in the.

I guess like when you do puzzles and stuff.

Yeah, when I'm in studio B, you can see that because it's got shelves there, so it's pretty cool.

Sparky thinks it's funny where he's like, I know you.

I know you.

I know you.

I think I told the swords when Jimmy comes over and wants half your.

Sammy back off you.

No, it's mine.

No, I'm not like that.

I'd have gave him the whole thing and ordered another one.

I know.

The other thing was when I was get in the studio, my daughter calls me.

I said, the table's coming.

And she goes, well, do you need a hand getting it down the steps?

I said, it's four by four.

It shouldn't be that big of a deal.

She goes, you know, you're not.

You're getting old.

Oh.

I don't want you to hurt yourself.

I don't want you to hurt yourself.

Okay, Grandpa, I think I can get.

It down the steps.

Oh, man, that hurt.

Yes, I got.

It's a little bit like, oh, right.

Assault my manhood.

So I had to, I had to get it down the steps and open it up and then get the whole thing set up.

And then I had to test with.

No help, of course.

Right.

Did she come help you?

No, no one helped me.

Of course not.

No, but I have everything there.

It's ready to go.

The other road caster pros over there.

And today I tested it, and I have the second camera, so the Duchess camera.

And I had to put the bobblehead there so you.

You can see the second.

But, you know, my son, when he was.

He could have been no more than seven.

And he used to love these marble mazes.

So the.

My wife at the time, we call her the ex, she buys this marble maze.

And this thing is like, the size of a kitchen table, and it's got elevators, and the marbles run up, and they come down, and there's like.

And you can run, like, 12 marbles at the same time.

Oh, my God.

Okay.

It took forever to put this together.

It took me four nights, you know, with the instructions, putting everything together, get everything together right.

So that The Christmas Eve.

Because he still believes in Santa, we bring it upstairs, we put it on the kitchen table, and, you know, okay, move everything out of the way so they all come down, and he's like, oh, Santa brought me the marble maze.

Oh.

So we turn it on, and it's sitting there, and it's doing this.

And he's sitting there watching it, watching it, watching it.

And about 15 minutes.

I don't know what he picked up, but he picked up, like, a broom or something.

He went.

Pieces went flying.

Marbles went flying.

And I just looked.

I'm just.

I'm stunned.

I don't know what to do.

I'm just.

I'm paralyzed.

I want to kill him.

All the thoughts.

Yeah.

I just.

I just seized up.

I just locked up.

That's probably good.

You did right?

And then I go, I'm gonna go take a ride.

So I grabbed my keys.

I went for a ride.

I was gonna kill him.

I was gonna.

I was gonna take pieces of that and beat him with it.

Oh, my God.

Did he ever explain why?

Well, remember, he's autistic, so.

Right.

I guess he just went, say, like.

I want to see how it worked or, like, something.

So then he says to me, when I come back, he goes, can you put that back together again?

I said, together, you destroyed it.

You broke it.

Like, you broke it.

There's.

There's nothing to put back together.

You did.

Absolutely.

It was fif.

I spent four days, put it together.

Fifteen minutes.

Oh, my God.

I would have cried.

Oh, my God.

It was so hard.

I wanted to kill him.

But, yeah, it was.

It was.

I remember that story.

Yeah, I know.

It's.

It's a.

Every.

What did what did Kathy do?

It was the night before Christmas and Jaminga was in the cellar building a marble maze for his son.

No, I mean, it's just like I tell it every year.

It's like my, you know, my December 7th joke.

Do I tell you that one?

You know that one?

I think I do.

It's a guy's half black and half Japanese.

Every December 7th, he attacks Pearl Bailey.

That's my, that's my December 7th joke.

I tell it every year.

I think you missed that one.

So Bruce wants to know what's in a glass.

It's rose.

It had a screw top.

I have no idea what brand.

The bottle looked good.

I picked it up.

It's fussy.

It's wine.

It's wine.

That was kind of Christmas.

You know, it's funny that we were talking about, you know, using a cane and self defense because we're going to get into it.

I don't even know where to go with this because it's, it's ridiculous.

And I think what's happening is that, I guess through the Trump administration or before, really before.

I think it happened really with Obama where they started to say, you know what, the criminals are the marginalized, and if you take and you put them in jail, then you're the oppressor.

So they started this way back in Obama probably in like 2008 and in 2012.

And it's been getting progressively worse until now.

We're like, you know what, let's move back to the middle.

This is ridiculous.

You know, like the right with Trump.

He was, you know, he said to the Republicans, look, you loses, you lose these elections.

I mean, I'm a winner.

We're going to move to the center.

And you know, and then the Democrats are like looking at Kamala Harris and, and all this.

Not like the savior.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, not only that, but I like a lot of the normal Democrats, you know, not your blue haired, you know, nose rings, ear gauges, college educated, those.

You're not them.

You're normal Democrats.

They're like, you know, like your Joe Rogans, your Telsey Gabbards, your, you know, people like that.

They're like, you know, hey, we're moving to the center.

So now I think there's a huge group of us that are moving the center.

Like I said, Chenk Uygur was over at the.

What did you call him?

Chenk.

His name's Chenk Uygur.

I call him Chunk.

You get mad at me.

I figure out how to use his real name.

Now you say his name is Chenk Uygur?

Chink.

Chenk.

Chink Chank.

He's not.

He's not Asian.

I know exactly who he is.

Okay, well, what's his name then?

What do you call him?

I don't know.

I don't know how it's pronounced.

But you said Chink.

Chink, Chank, Gook, Whatever.

I don't care.

I'm just saying.

Okay, that.

The Uyghur guy.

The guy from the Young Turks.

The guy.

Sorry.

Well, you're, like.

You're catching me with it.

Shank.

Shank.

It's not Shank.

Shank.

Shank.

Chunk.

Right.

We use the guy from the Young Turks.

Okay, the guy from the Young.

Chunk.

We all know who he is.

Okay.

Chunk Uygur from the Young Turks.

He was at Turning Point usa And then, like I said, so we're.

I think we're moving back.

We're moving to the middle, and we're leaving the crazies out on the fringe.

But what happened now is that, you know that.

I mean, we saw what happened on the subway where that guy set the woman on fire.

She died.

Awful.

All right?

Awful.

And now, was it Christmas Eve?

A guy stabbed a girl, a woman, in the throat.

Did she die?

No, she didn't die.

No.

No one helped her.

Someone did finally step up to help, who was also attacked.

Oh.

And actually, I think more injured than she was.

Really?

Yeah.

I don't think he, like, I think he sliced.

I'm.

I'm not sure what the full details were on the attack, but he did not.

Yeah, it was.

It was.

I mean, both of.

It was bad for both of them.

It's like it was the fact that she's looking for help, and no one.

No one steps up because everybody's terrified because what's going to happen?

Right.

Because these people are crazy.

Yeah.

What's going to happen if you help.

Right.

And you're going to go to jail.

This is what's going to happen.

This is.

The repercussions of.

AOC says that now that they.

The subway's more dangerous because they acquitted Penny.

Daniel.

Penny, and he should have went to jail for.

I'm like, cut me a break.

We're done with this.

It's really awful.

Yeah.

It's ridiculous.

You know, the fact.

And so here's the kicker.

Like, again with Kathy Hokel, the governor, who says the subways are safe.

And they show her, like, you know, riding in one of the cars, surrounded probably by state police and.

And people filming.

So, of course, Nothing's going to happen.

So with her proclaiming how safe it is, and then again, that poor young woman set on fire, and then this woman stabbed in the subway.

And someone who finally did come to help her, also stabbed and wounded.

And it's.

There's just no.

And then, you know, you had Daniel Penny who stepped up and penalized.

So, like, what do you do?

Right.

What do you do as a citizen?

Like, what do you do?

Like, do you remember what happened to Bernie Gantz?

Remember him?

Back in the 80s?

Yeah.

Well, he was acquitted.

Well, he probably shouldn't have been, but.

Because he.

He brought that gun on the subway waiting to get attacked.

Like, he say that right after this.

What do you mean?

I don't blame him.

I don't blame him for.

He was down there because he knew it was a fucking freak show down there.

Yeah.

And he brought a gun, and a guy brought a screwdriver out and was going to stab with a screwdriver and he pulled the gun out.

I think he killed a couple of them, didn't he?

I can't remember.

He did.

He shot.

They tried to.

Yeah, and they tried to make it that he was the bad guy.

Right.

They put him on trial and he ended up being acquitted through all this.

Yeah.

I mean, there was.

There was a lot of wrong.

I don't.

I think.

I don't agree with him bringing the gun and looking for these kids, but.

Why do you say don't blame him?

I don't blame him for defending himself, but I think he was looking to murder these kids.

You think he was just riding the subways waiting for somebody to attack him?

Yes.

Some people are.

You know, it's like the people who set fires to buildings, you know, kind of.

So you thought he was just a vigilante that was just riding.

He wasn't going to work or something.

He did.

He did.

He was a vigilante.

He did shoot them.

No, no, no, I'm not saying they attacked him.

I get it.

But he set himself up for that, right?

He set himself up for that.

How?

Well, by bringing the gun.

So they knew he had two wrongs don't make right.

I understand him defending himself, but you couldn't.

You weren't supposed to bring.

But you said.

You said that he brought this on himself.

Put himself in that predicament by on purpose being on the subway, looking.

By looking for these kids.

He knew they.

He was looking for kids to stab him with a screwdriver.

Yes.

Well, he set it up.

He set it up.

He's like, hey, anybody got some scraps?

Anybody got some screwdrivers you want to stab me with?

Yeah, that's what he did.

He handed them.

He knew these kids were there.

He waited for them.

He waited for them.

So he went in the subway and waited for them.

Look, I'm not.

I'm not saying he was wrong for taking matters into his own hands.

I'm just saying.

But you're saying he looking for the fight.

But what you are saying or what you did say is that he brought this on himself because he had a gun on him in case he was attacked.

Yes.

You're not supposed to have a gun.

Well, the law.

You're not supposed to have the gun in New York.

The laws have changed.

Well, I don't remember what the gun laws were in the 80s.

I'm pretty sure you couldn't bring them on the subway.

Here's a funny thing, right?

There's a thing in the.

You know, in the Bill of Rights.

It's the Second Amendment.

It says government shall make no laws.

Okay.

No laws.

Sure.

Bring them on airplanes, too.

Just saying.

Okay, well, look, you can't take your fucking Second amendment rights.

So if you can't bring them in the subway, nobody should be bringing guns in the subway.

The First Amendment is government should not impede any speech.

And then the Second Amendment is government should make no laws to, you know, impede people from carrying a gun.

Okay?

So if wander around in the state of New Jersey with a gun sticking out of your pocket, it's against every.

Every one of these laws is unconstitutional.

Am I wrong?

Well, would you like to prove the point?

I'm just telling you.

I'm just telling you that that's not.

The argument that I'm making about Bernie Getz.

Yeah, you're saying that the reason he's twisting it to.

If he didn't have a gun.

If he didn't have a gun, these guys would have stabbed him with a screwdriver.

And.

But he.

But since he had a gun to defend himself, he brought it on himself.

That makes it okay, though.

He shouldn't have brought the gun.

The whole.

I understand.

Well, how was he supposed to defend himself?

Was he supposed to have a screwdriver?

Supposed to be a vigilante.

You're supposed to have a longer screwdriver.

You.

You are nitpicking.

Hold on.

You're nitpicking for your.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, okay.

Well, yeah, you go ahead.

Can you please record that sound of you rattling that?

Because that's a lot of fun.

Like I need like a 10 second loop of.

I'll just say it.

It's like he had a gun to defend himself.

There's more than.

I tell you what.

There's probably.

You can believe that he did.

I do believe that.

Okay.

And you know who else did?

A jury of his peers.

I understand.

Again, I get it.

I understand why I have ridden on the subway.

What I'm saying to you is by the book.

He shouldn't have done it.

The book that has the unconstitutional law, John.

The one that has the unconstitutional laws against carrying a gun.

Well, go ahead and carry a gun around and see how that works out for you.

I'm protecting my Second Amendment rights while your ass will be in jail.

Well, I know in New Jersey you.

Can fight from there.

I know in New Jersey they're making it easier to carry a gun now and because go out and carry your gun.

Draconian laws.

Look, I'll be honest with you.

I believe they need to be changed.

But until they change, you know the same thing.

If you learn how to defend yourself and you learn how to use a gun and you use it as a last resort, I don't see a problem with it.

I don't see a problem carrying a gun.

Is it legal to carry it in New Jersey?

If you have a permit, it is.

Who gets the permit to carry?

I know people that have.

I understand how it works.

I get it.

I know people have permits to carry.

I know a few people have permits to carry.

And our load.

And do you have one?

No, I do not.

Okay, so does that mean that.

Fuck it, it's Wednesday.

I don't like how this guy's looking at me.

I'm gonna carry my gun around because I just don't like the way he's looking at me.

And I'm gonna shoot.

Did you bump your head over Christmas?

What the hell does that mean?

What?

I'm just saying I don't understand your logic all of a sudden.

You're normally a very logical person.

What happened to you?

I'm just fucking with you.

Just like you're fucking with me.

Okay, well, that's fine.

I just thought for a second there, I lost you.

I thought maybe I drifted away.

I spent too much time with my liberal daughter.

Yeah, you better throw them out in the house.

I'm okay.

All right.

I'll get it.

Okay.

I was putting sarcasm sign next time, like joking.

I'll tell you what.

I, you know, Academy Award performance there because I was flabbergasted.

Jesus.

I was like, at First I couldn't believe it.

I was like sitting here staring in disbelief.

But okay, okay.

All right.

So thank you, Bud Dugger.

It's from a bottle.

I'm classy.

Thank you.

Oh, I forgot you're drinking.

I forgot.

Okay.

I think in California.

Is this where this was in California, Some kids tried to rob a guy who was also carrying a gun, probably legally.

And this is what happened.

Good morning, Amy.

In the course of the investigation, deputies learned those kids were just between the ages of 12 and 14 years old, and they tried robbing a man with a gun.

Deputy say, hold on now.

I know they're not sweet little children.

I know they're not allowed to carry guns.

They're not old enough to carry guns.

Although the second amendment doesn't have an age limit on that.

Just saying.

You can try that too.

Here we go.

Least three of those kids were shot.

One of them is still in critical condition at last check.

When Harris county sheriff deputies showed up here, they found one of the kids with several gunshot wounds.

He was taken to a nearby trauma center in critical condition.

As I just mentioned.

And as paramedics were attending to him, two other kids were found with gunshot wounds.

Both were taken to the hospital and are stable.

Shortly after that, the suspected shooter, who deputies believe the teens were trying to rob, return to the scene and turn himself in.

He's a good guy.

I heard some gunshots.

Sound like they were basically at my front door.

And of course, as you can see from behind me, they were down the.

Way a little bit, to be frank.

And honest with you.

I grabbed my gun, which is in a holster, and walked outside to see what was going on.

I'm sorry, this is in Texas.

It's not California.

Everybody's packing in Texas.

Jesus Christ.

This stars.

I.

I heard some gunshots, so you know what I did?

I grabbed my.

I got my gun too.

I grabbed my rod and out I went.

Everybody runs outside, like, what's happening?

Everybody.

All right?

What's going on, you kids?

Well, the.

It's the fact that this guy had to defend himself from a swarm of children.

12 year olds.

12 to 14 year olds?

Well, yeah, no, that's what I mean.

Like they bum rushed him and tried to rob him and he shot them all.

First of all, like, every one of them had a hole in him.

Okay.

I didn't see anybody.

But for, for first of all, I'm wondering if they were black people.

I'm not 100 sure.

I mean, the neighbor was.

Was dark, but I'm just saying, I.

Don'T we don't say he was dying.

Dark.

You say dark.

He was a black man.

Dark.

The one who spoke.

Yeah, yeah, he had.

He was.

He had a lot of melanin.

Melatonin.

Melatonin.

It's an absolute around and find out moment for sure.

All right, let's find out.

Leave.

The incident occurred due to an attempted aggravated robbery that involved the juveniles attempting.

To rob the adult male.

During the incident, the juveniles approached the male and they were displaying pistols.

The adult male retrieved his own pistol.

And shot the juveniles.

Where's your gunshots, John?

No, not appropriate.

No, I'm getting there.

And a little slow on here.

Hold on.

Here we go.

A little bit.

Oh, I'm hit.

Ouch, ouch, ouchie, ouchie.

Mom, he's shooting back.

Mom.

I can't.

So I guess the kids, they were displaying pistols.

Yeah, they.

They brought out their pistols and then they.

So I wonder if they were real guns or if they.

Or at least what the guy thought was pistols or if they.

They were pistols they actually got.

Who'd they get them from?

I don't know.

There's a video.

It's an airsoft video.

Oh, my God.

It is the funniest thing.

I love this thing.

And it's this kid who gets an airsoft pistol and he starts talking about.

And it's kind of like in the 80s.

Not that they had airsoft pistols, but it kind of has the same thing.

I wonder if I could find it.

Okay, but go ahead if you don't.

I don't even know what this is.

Reference.

I know, I'm sorry.

Okay, so John, what I'm saying, I'm going to find a video.

If.

If you Just about something.

I'm telling you, it's worth it.

It's so worth it.

If I can get to watch it, it'll be worth it.

No, it's, it's.

It's.

It's.

Is it pure audio?

We could.

Listen, let me see.

Okay.

If I can get.

It's a cartoon.

Number one.

Oh, okay.

Okay, okay.

And then the kid narrates it.

Gun fight.

Yeah, cartoon.

Maybe.

Bruce says he gave them the Eastwood treatment.

He sure did.

Yeah, sure.

He sure did.

Let's see if I can find it.

All right, let's see.

Share screen and then do this.

So do you think the audio will be muted on the playback?

I don't think so.

Okay.

I don't know.

All right, Sparky, take some bets there for me.

Hang on.

It's not.

It's not a song.

His Gun wasn't real.

Luckily he wasn't massacred on the street.

Here we go.

Here it is.

Alright.

I was a big fan of airsoft guns when I was a kid.

If you don't know what an airsoft gun is, well, it's a plastic gun that kind of bridges the gap between a Nerf gun and a semi automatic rifle.

They shoot little plastic BB's and after about a week your whole house is littered with them.

Your dad's dumping them out of the toaster, your sister's digging them out of her ass crack.

You just go around shooting a bunch of holes in all the lampshades.

And I was the first kid on my block to get an airsoft gun.

Brought it out to show off to everybody.

They're all mesmerized.

I could conquer the whole goddamn world with this thing.

My buddy David literally took it out of my hand and he's like, ah, sweet.

This is sweet.

David.

What the fuck?

It was my turn to shoot Michael in the face.

It was a bit of a trendsetter I gotta say, because like a week later, every kid on the block had an airsoft gun.

They didn't have a normal airsoft gun like I did.

They had this fucking battery powered M16 tactical shit, fully automatic.

Get shot in the face 30 times in four seconds.

Hold on a damn minute.

Jesus, I'm using this stone age piece of crap.

My shit looks like a happy meal toy compared to yours.

Michael's over there, doesn't even have an airsoft gun.

He's like shooting BB's through a fucking straw like it's a blowgun.

He's wearing his puffy ass winter coat in the middle of July, has body armor, There'd always be somebody out of ammo, trying to call timeout.

Wait, wait, wait a minute.

Timeout, bitch.

There ain't no time.

Out in airsoft, you get home with a bunch of red welts all over your body like somebody gave you a smallpox blanket.

I eventually upgraded my arsenal, threw my handgun out and purchased a big ol sniper rifle.

Things bigger than my entire body.

Big ass scope on top of it.

Like I was gonna assassinate a public official.

Sure it didn't shoot fast like the other ones, but that thing had some power.

My friends hidin behind a car and shit, I'd just shoot through the fucking car.

First weekend I got that rifle, shot my cousin in the back.

The following weekend we had a closed casket funeral for him.

Now on one particular day we were playing capture the flag.

And it's important to note at this time they didn't put the big ass orange tips on these guns like they do nowadays.

Let you know it's a fake gun.

No, I just dab a bit of orange nail polish on the end of that bitch, call it a day.

And that kind of makes it a little hard for your neighbors to determine if you're outside playing or if you're committing an act of domestic terrorism.

Yeah, hi, 911.

There's a child with a deer rifle and he's running amok in the streets.

So I'm sitting there at my base, which is David's front yard.

I'm peeking through my scope like I'm about to put Lyndon B.

Johnson into office.

And I'm on the lookout for David.

Now where's David at?

Well, David has adhd, so he's not at his base and he's not at my base.

Hell, I don't even know if he even knew he was playing at the time.

Probably forgot all about it.

Chasing a butterfly and shit.

Now David decides to walk to one of the busiest streets in the city and wave around what looks to be an automatic assault rifle in the air.

Imagine David's surprise when about four seconds later, a goddamn paddy wagon pulls up in front of him.

Bunch of cops pile out.

They got their guns drawn on this completely oblivious attack.

Attention deficit child.

I wasn't there.

I was around the block waiting to shoot David in the teeth with my Kennedy killer.

But I bet that turd in his pants was massive.

It didn't take him long to figure out that David's gun wasn't real.

Luckily, he wasn't massacred on the street right there.

And then they load his ass in the back of the wagon like the wild animal that he is, and they pull up to the front of his house.

Now, I was there for this part, and I can say for sure that the turd in my pants was massive.

One cop gets out, he's like, put that goddamn rifle down.

So I threw it like the gun was on fire.

Dave comes out of the back of the truck looking like a shitty Dennis the Menace cartoon.

The hell do you think you kids are doing?

We're just playing.

Why is that kid wearing that puffy ass coat?

It's 94 degrees outside.

David's mom comes running out like they're filming an episode of Law and Order.

In her front yard.

So they get the chance to meet Ice T.

She's gotta deal with this bullshit.

Now, the cops were really cool about this whole shitty situation.

They gave David's mom her Arsenal of plastic weapons.

And they.

They're all like, well, we could have murdered your kid and got away with it, but, well, we didn't, so you're welcome.

Why don't you give him a wiffle ball bat or some shit to play with instead?

Jesus Christ.

So the moral of the story is, don't be a fucking idiot waving a weapon around in the street.

There you go.

All right.

Sparky asked you to link that video.

Can you please put it in Discord?

I will put the link to this.

Put it in the boomer bunker section of the Discord.

Okay, that's.

Isn't that good?

It's a good one, isn't it?

It's pretty funny, actually.

It's not wrong.

I know.

So basically, the Airsoft rifles were pretty much.

It's a paintball gun without the paint.

Yeah, it's paintballs.

Right.

It's essentially.

And you just shoot pellets out of it instead.

Yeah, it's like.

Like I said, little plastic pellets.

Yeah.

All right.

There it is.

That look like those fuckers would hurt, so you dropped it in.

Thank you much.

Oh, yeah, they.

They hurt.

All right.

But see, okay, so we, as kids would use real BB guns when we would play that, and we would shoot each other, but there was rules.

No shooting in the face, and you weren't allowed to pump it more than two times.

We would shoot each other with BB.

Gun pressure, I guess, in it.

Yeah, because you had the Red Rider BB gun.

Shoot your eye out.

I never had one.

I know.

Well, you're a girl.

Well, my brother never had one either, so.

It's my mom, so no guns.

No guns in the house.

No, no, no, no.

Okay.

No guns.

I might have more respect for him.

That's why one of my favorite.

Not that I don't have respect for him, but I would love more.

I'm sitting at my base, and I'm looking through my scope like I'm about ready to put Lyndon B.

Johnson in office.

It's terrible reference with my Kennedy killer.

Kennedy killer.

Holy.

That was bad.

Yeah.

Bruce says BB gun wars.

Levi jackets and newspaper armor.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What else do we used to do?

Armor.

Yeah, we would take that and we would.

Like when we used to play hockey, we didn't have, like, hockey pads, like when you were playing street hockey.

So what you do is you'd find somebody throwing a couch out, and you take the cushions and you would cut the cushions, and you would get that, and you would put holes in it and tie ropes.

Padding.

Yeah.

And you would use that.

God only knows what was on that couch.

God damn.

Let's put it in our clothes.

My hockey pads smell like cat piss.

You're lucky that's all they smelled like.

My chest protector smells like vomit.

Is this the sex couch?

Yeah.

No.

Oh, no, that's all right.

You work close to your heart.

That's all that matters.

There you go.

Well, no, I just.

I think that.

I think that, like I said, the normal people, the people with common sense, right?

Even though they're leaning left, leaning right, we're like, you know what?

We got to get together because these people, these, you know, you got your blue hairs.

On the one side, minorities, really, it's minority.

But they're the loudest.

They're the loudest.

Oh, when you say minority, you mean like the Not.

Not as in not a racial minority?

Just as there's not as many of them, but they're so loud.

Right.

I can't help but pay attention.

Right.

And then on the other side, you got your Jesus freaks and you know that stuff.

So I'm just saying it's on both sides.

Okay.

Yeah.

I'm just busting new jobs.

What's that?

I'm just goofing on you.

I don't know.

Here's an interesting story for you.

There's a guy in Japan, and he has a proposition to help Japan's losing people left and right because the population's getting older and they're not getting married and not having children, so they're losing out.

So this guy, he has a plan, and I want to hear your thoughts on this.

A Japanese lawmaker proposed that women over 25 cannot marry and women over 30 must have their uteruses removed as a way to increase Japan's declining birth rate.

I'll explain.

Naoki Hayakuta has sparked widespread outrage with his controversial proposals aimed at addressing Japan's declining birth rates.

Hyakuta's remarks were made during a YouTube program where he discussed potential measures to increase Japan's birth rate.

He suggested that all women in Japan should undergo forced hysterectomies after the age of 30 and be banned from marrying after 25.

Additionally, Hyakuta proposed restricting women's access to education beyond the age of 18 to prioritize childbearing over other pursuits.

According to him, these extreme measures would pressure women to have children earlier, reversing the nation's demographic decline.

Japan has been grappling with the declining birth rate and an aging population for several decades.

The country's birth rate has dropped to its lowest level since 1969.

Japan's health ministry reported only 350,074 births between January and June, marking a 5.7% decline compared to the same period last year.

Women across Japan fiercely condemned the Conservative party leader's remarks, calling them oppressive and deeply misogynistic.

Facing intense backlash, Hyakuda later issued an apology, claiming his comments were merely a hypothetical idea.

He then stated that they were meant to spark discussion within the framework of a science fiction storyline and that he did not personally support these ideas.

What do you think about Hayakuda's remarks?

Let us know in the comments.

Okay, backpedal.

Back pedal.

Back pedal.

Oh, they can vote.

Oh, I up.

Only kidding.

Jinx.

You know what I think?

I think after 30, out with the uterus.

Yeah.

So again, I don't understand.

I didn't see.

You can't get married after 25 and.

You educate them either, right?

You can't.

Well, I understand they're not educated.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Okay, well, what I'm saying is it takes them out of the workforce and makes them more domesticated.

You know, they used to be on.

Their feet like a dog.

Like, domesticated.

Why would you.

Why would women like a dog domesticated?

Well, because they're not out in the work.

Out in the working world, you know, they're not out doing.

You have a problem with women working?

I.

What do I Jap.

I don't have a problem with women working.

I didn't start mine.

I'm telling you.

What.

Yakimodia Mushishishi over there.

Mitsubishi.

Right.

Just because I'm a guy all of a sudden, that makes me.

Well, you're spinning it, so I'm not.

Whoops, sorry.

Play it again.

No, I'm trying to get it.

Sorry, sorry, Chari.

No, I'm just saying that he.

I guess he feels if they aren't educated, like, if they're not becoming doctors and engineers and whatever you women think that you want to do, accountants, that you can be at home, you know, making dinner and taking care of the children and God couldn't wait.

Like God.

Like God intended.

Drool.

Oh, my God.

Just saying.

In your little universe, I'm.

Sure just, you know, back in the day and not even that long.

Well, I was going to say it's like 60 years ago.

That was the.

That was what?

That's a long time ago for some people.

It is for some of our listeners, that's.

That's a life.

That's lifetime.

That's their grandparents as soon as I.

Said it, it's your lifetime ago.

As soon as I said it, I was like, I get it.

But you know, back in my day, 30s.

Okay, here's the thing.

I have a great idea.

This is a great idea to help this along.

What you do is you make affordable housing for small.

For families that want to start.

You could give them like tax breaks and make it where the wife doesn't have to work until the children go to school.

Right.

So they can stay home.

Look, here's the deal.

And I'm sure you went through this too when you were.

I don't know that.

I don't even.

I have no idea.

So I'm not even going to say it was you.

I'm going to use myself as an example.

Okay.

My ex wife went back to work and all she did was spend money.

All her money went to daycare because the kids went to preschool.

Right.

And, and all that.

So why not just stay home and raise your kids?

You know, you just.

How much money are you really?

Well, at that point, if you're working to pay daycare, if you're.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying is that, that's what happens now.

Disgrace, by the way.

But yeah, it's also sometimes for sub park hair.

Yeah.

Also I think that if you get pregnant by a guy.

Whatever happened to shotgun weddings?

When did that go out of style?

What?

The guy didn't want.

Doesn't want to get married.

What if he doesn't want to take care of the kid?

You know what?

Why you trap him into it.

You slipped one past the goalie, dude.

Oh, now, now you're in a penalty box.

Okay, so now that works conveniently.

Okay, so, all right, so if a 15 year old gets pregnant, she should get married.

Yes.

Okay, so she should get married and have kids and.

Yes.

And be a baby factory.

Well, I don't know about a baby.

Factory, but I mean to suit this gentleman's needs.

Why is it to suit the gentleman's feet?

See, again, he's the one that proposed it.

It wasn't a woman who said it.

What I'm saying is if you're.

We're back to the Japanese guy, okay?

Oh, we're back.

Very hard.

It's very hard to figure out where.

We'Re going with this.

That was the topic, that was the question.

No, I changed it.

I said that, you know, now we're not sure we're on shotgun weddings now.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you'd want me to answer the Questions?

No, I did.

I thought we answered that.

Now we're moving on.

No.

Okay.

I thought we were having more discussion.

All right, well, hang on.

Let's go back to Japan.

All right.

See, back in Japan, they used to bound the feet of the women so they'd stay small so they could try to stay.

Have to keep up with the men.

That was horrible.

Their feet were that big.

I know.

Bound them like three inches.

Right.

They crippled women because they sleep.

I get it.

So that's good.

No, it's very bad.

No, it was bad.

It was very, very bad.

Okay.

Very bad.

They're trying to figure out.

Again, I said that.

I think it would make it a lot easier for children.

Children.

God damn it.

For young people.

And when.

I mean young people, I'm talking 20 or whatever, to go and get married if they were able to have a house and be able to, you know, and be able to afford it, you know, a household.

So are the options get married, have kids and get low income housing or lose all that if you decide to educate yourself to get a better job, to find something more suitable to your lifestyle and have kids later, say at 26 or 27.

But apparently this guy says no.

Yeah, I don't know.

You don't have them by 30, you gotta have your uterus ripped down.

Yeah, Right.

You have to be married by 25.

So if you're not married by the time you get out of.

You can't get married at all.

You can't get married at all.

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

So then, so wait a minute.

So you can't get married to people to get married?

Right.

So if you can't get married, then why you let them have their uterus still?

You should just take the.

At 25, you can't get married.

You don't need your uterus anymore.

Right.

Well, why not just snip the dude's nuts when they're 25?

Why do the women have to lose eating?

Okay, I'm with you on there.

Why not?

Hey, listen, he didn't suggest that.

If you can't get a wife by the time you're 25, you're undateable.

So we neuter you, we snip your nuts and then you can go around and shoot.

Stop your bloodline, you can shoot blanks, and that's it.

And then what happens is then it's more of a motivation to have children early.

It's a motivation to settle is what that is.

A motivation to settle?

Yeah.

Okay.

You don't find your ideal person.

And some people, I mean, it's not like Japan has 12 people and then you gotta find one of them.

There's a lot of people, let's be real.

A lot of times it takes three or four times to find the right person.

So what do you want from me?

Japan, China, South Korea does not have the room to build more homes like America does.

Oh, okay.

Skyscrapers.

You get an apartment, move up, moving on up.

Literally, literally.

Skyscrapers.

You know, over in China, they built all these skyscrapers because they didn't really have work for people.

So they decided, oh, we'll build these skyscrapers.

Buildings, yeah, all these, this housing and all.

And then nobody, nobody used them.

They didn't have anybody to put in them.

So what did they do?

They just, they just knocked them all down not that long ago and build.

Them back up again.

What a big waste of money.

Yeah, well, you know, it was funny in Philadelphia they have the projects, there's, you know, the low income projects and they're just it the filth and scum.

And we thugs that are out there.

You know, when you put an elevator into projects, everything has to be stainless steel, thick stainless steel, and the platform has to be on an angle to the back of the hoist way.

And then there's.

So when they pee in the elevator, it runs out the back.

I'm serious.

That's in the code.

They have to be on an angle so the pee runs out the back of the elevator.

So then what they did.

So on top of every elevator has an inspection station.

So when you get on top of it, you can run it up and run it down, shut it off.

So these animals would get on top of the elevators, put it on inspection, and then it would charge people to go up the.

Oh, I'm sorry, you want to take a elevator up with your groceries?

$5.

So the cops would come in and you had it.

So then we had to go in and we had to put these stainless steel boxes on with those round tumbler keys that you, you know, that you see like on what kind of machines?

Like candy machines and all that, so.

Oh, okay, I know you know what I'm talking about.

Yep.

So we had to put them on so they could not get on the top of the elevator.

So they couldn't take the elevators out of service and use them.

So then what?

They charge people to live in their own building.

So then what they did was they just got in there and said, hey, if you want to get on here, give Me, five hours.

You can't get on the elevator.

They had people in there doing this.

So the one guy said, you know what they should do is they should make these projects out of straw and every three years just set them the fuck on fire.

A little burn to the ground and start over.

Honestly, you may as well.

Well, the size of the cockroaches and the size of the rats were unbelievable.

And the smell, you'd walk in there and it was just, it was horrible.

I, I can smell it now.

And I haven't been like, you can taste it.

Like you just.

I haven't been in a project since 1992 and 30 something years ago.

I'm serious.

It was, it was horrible.

So that's a shame.

I know.

But you know, again, if you have a, A place where you can.

Young people can have children and raise children, and then if you find some filthy slob that doesn't take care of their house or, you know, you just throw them out of the place, you evict them.

There's a certain standard of living that you have to live in to keep this place.

You have to keep it clean.

You know, look at that.

Conditions.

Yeah, conditions of.

Yeah, your conditions of, of having a house there and then you can work and then decide if you want to move out and buy something else, that's fine, but at least it's something.

And if you get a big, I don't know, housing a project area building or whatever with the people that are same age and everything, I, you know, you never know.

You.

I don't know, I just think that, you know, not loud.

Not allowing them to marry and cutting their uterus out of 30 is A.

Oh, that's a little ridiculous.

That's a little ridiculous.

I, it's very extreme and I, it's like it's a fear tactic.

I don't like that.

And I feel like again, he's part of the Conservative party, which they, they made sure making made it a point to mention.

So it's a little extreme.

I think it's kind of Handmaid's tale thing.

Kind of sort of.

Yeah, it's creepy.

I don't like that.

Nobody should be doing that.

Like that's, it's, it's.

Well, I was gonna say certainly in America, but I'm not against the idea of low income opportunities for young couples.

But where, like, where would you put them?

Like, you can't.

Anywhere.

Oh, it's a great thought, but you still need to sustain.

There needs to be work, you need to be able to educate.

You have to qualify for this.

Schools and supermarkets and.

Right.

You have to qualify in certain areas.

The guy has to make a certain, the, the, the.

The guy has to make a certain amount of money to be able to sustain this.

By what age?

I don't know, 20, right out of school.

So a 20.

What were you making at 20?

At 20 years old, I was making.

I was making $7 an hour.

20 years old.

And that was in.

So mortgage payment, rent payment, you've been able to pay like $2,000.

My first.

Wait a minute.

So my first place that I rented was $400 a month, and I was making $280 a week.

Okay.

So I was able to live, you know, by myself.

I was able to do that.

But I'm just saying, if it's making it so, so expensive, it's back like it was in the 1920s, you know, when everybody was.

You had three or four generations in the same household because nobody could afford to move out because everything was so expensive after the Depression.

That's why they're building so many hotels, because local government is putting families up in them in form of chief housing.

Yeah, I don't know.

The hotel's a little different.

It's only one room.

It's not really.

Well, it's the, you know, it is, but it's, it's all the, the amenities that are in it.

I'm not mad at the concept of a hotel, but again, is it the government purchasing.

Who they purchasing it from?

No, no, I'm not saying the government.

I'm saying you, you built.

I don't want the government involved.

You put the government involved, this thing goes off the rails immediately.

So who's in charge of this program?

You make, you put it out there where they can, where they charge rent and just.

You use.

What's that thing called capitalism?

You use capitalism to, to build these, these homes.

I'm just saying I don't.

Well, I think that's a very nice idea, but I don't think that's how it would ever work.

No, I don't think it would work.

I don't think it would work.

I don't think at 20, for a young family, we'll say, no, I'm.

You're a do.

I can't do.

Not a can do.

You're a fantasy man.

I'm not a fantasy man.

To see.

So you think at 20 that a young couple will say, both of them age 20, she's not going to school.

There's a baby.

She's she's graduated from high school.

She's graduated.

Okay.

She's graduated from high school.

She's gonna stay home and take care of the baby, which is the.

Was the outline.

She's gonna stay home and take care of the baby.

That means the young man would have to work full time.

Job, food, rent, car insurance, medical insurance.

You think he's going to do that with like a $2,000 a month rent?

How much would he have to make?

Like, it's one that was like.

The concept is great, but I don't think there needs to be more to it than they should.

Just get it.

I love it.

I would love my kids to get it.

I love the way you put words in my mouth.

You've been doing this the whole episode.

Put words in my mouth.

I never said.

You just get it.

He said you didn't want the government involved.

No, I don't want the government involved.

But you have to have certain things to qualify.

You know, when you buy a house, the government's not involved.

You know, there's a.

Yes, they are.

If you get a loan.

They are.

I don't think so.

Not when I got my mortgage.

I got a loan.

There was no government involved in my mortgage.

I went to a mortgage guy, he says, what do you make?

And I said this.

And the guy says, okay, you qualify for this house.

This.

This amount of money.

Well, I just don't understand this.

You're.

You're Tom.

You're.

You're Professor Tom and me all the episode.

I'm not.

I'm really not Professor Duchess over here.

Fine.

It'll be fantasy land.

And they.

These kids can just go and get.

Magically get.

Get their stuff.

There you go.

Hey, listen, I got about six more years of life left.

I don't care what you do after this.

Mortgages, but not thinking of property taxes, okay?

Listen, we get taxed to death anyhow.

Maybe we should love for those opportunities.

By the way, don't get me wrong.

We could shrink government.

I bet you we could shrink government all the way down, all the way down to local government.

You wouldn't need so many taxes.

You know, it's funny.

Down in South Carolina, taxes are like $400 a year or something like that.

It's ridiculous, you know, it's ridiculous.

Ridiculously cheap down there.

Now you might have to take your own trash to the dump or whatever, but.

Oh, that's terrible.

Well, you put.

I don't want do it all the time or, or.

Here's the other thing.

Take your trash to the dump.

Don't.

Or here's the other thing you do.

You contract with a, a garbage company and they come every week and they, they take your trash down.

It cost you like $35.

Or I forget, how much is 35?

70.

It's like $150 a month to get your trash taken.

And there's like different mine down to.

The curb and they just goes away.

Yeah.

And how.

What's your taxes?

That's fine.

I'm not mad at my town taxes.

I am.

I will be.

Now the taxes are going up because our local mayor is an asshat.

But.

Well, he.

There were opportunities to reduce the town debt and he did not take them.

Huh.

Yeah, exactly.

So he's a putz.

But no, I, I, we have, we have a lot of amenities in our town.

I'm not unhappy with what we have because I see neighboring towns that don't have what we have and they pay.

I've seen what their taxes are, and it's a lot.

It's a lot.

There's certain.

There's certain.

There's got to be a limit.

There's got to be a limit.

Stop.

You know, so many hands in your pocket.

You got the federal government, state government, local government, sales tax, property tax.

You know, it's ridiculous.

They're just income tax.

And then not only that, Social Security tax.

Yeah, right.

Not only that.

But then they just start giving it out like they're fucking Santa Claus.

You get a billion, you get billions.

You get billions.

They're giving it.

It's like, what the fuck?

Foreign countries, you get billions.

Yeah, they're just giving it out here.

Hey, Biden goes to Africa.

You know what you, you know what you blacks need?

You need a billion dollars.

Build you some low income taxing here.

So ridiculous.

Stop giving her money.

He needs.

Like, as soon as you lose in your election, you should be stopped from donating, from giving money away.

Like, stop it.

Because now it's intentional, right?

He's like, give it this way.

He's that away.

He's.

Yeah.

What did he do today?

He did something the other day.

Croy.

Isn't he that.

Yeah, but he went somewhere and.

I'm sorry.

He went somewhere and he was given money away or.

No, he's screwing.

I.

Damn it.

I just popped.

It was in my head for about two seconds and it just flew out like a moth.

It was like, just flew out of my head and now I can't remember what it was.

All right.

God damn it.

Changing the subject now.

God damn it.

I can't remember.

I hate when that happens because I had this one point.

He did something that Clinton, Harris and Biden.

I'm sorry.

And Obama, he did something that was kind of screwing him.

Yeah.

And I forget what it was.

Yeah.

But it's not him.

It's not him.

It's probably people in his administration that are pissed off that now they're losing their jobs.

Yeah, that's all right.

They'll collect unemployment.

They'll make money.

Money.

They'll get hired by the next Democrat.

They're mad.

They're all mad.

And they got to figure out how to.

Because their messages isn't going well.

So now they, they.

They got to get a different message.

And.

And this is how they're.

They're going about it right here.

Watch this.

Young boys are turning conservative.

We need you to influence them.

Straight, white, left leaning, millennial man.

I thought I was supposed to take.

A back seat so that more marginalized voices could be heard.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What do you want?

I want immunity.

I want to say things are gay and I want to make jokes.

And if I make a joke, I want you to think about what the joke actually means instead of getting scared of the words.

Okay, you got a deal.

I'm not finished.

I want you to stop using the word mansplain and stop comparing men to bears.

Anything else?

Louis ck he's my favorite and he has good things to say.

What's that sound?

Is that the Department of Education being defunded?

Okay.

Okay.

People can like what they want to.

Like, and we'll stop using our perceived.

Moral superiority to be cruel to others.

Cool doing out here anyway.

I was just pretending to chop wood.

It's not so wrong.

That's what happened.

I'm mad at that.

That is.

It is.

It's ridiculous.

I know.

Nuts.

I mean, they're still picking on poor old Elon.

They're still going after him.

President Elon.

President Elon.

I love that.

That's great.

Like, that's what they're trying to do is scare people.

It's President Elon.

Really?

How does this happen?

That a guy, that a voter actually does something and, and puts it out and then people, influencers listen.

Listen to them.

Like, like Taylor Swift and.

And what's her name that was out there singing during the halftime show?

Beyonce.

Beyonce.

How did that go?

I couldn't.

I wouldn't.

I wasn't going to watch.

Honestly, that performance was very well done.

Was it?

I mean, I don't give a.

About her music.

I don't care either way.

But she did a great job.

Her daughter came out at the end.

Oh really?

How old is her daughter?

Beautiful.

Yeah, she must be like 15 or 16.

Oh, really?

Really pretty young lady.

J.

Jay Z wasn't there.

Shocking.

I'm not sure why he's hiding.

He's heading out of the country.

I know.

Like I'm not getting arrested because of Diddy.

Yeah.

I'll be in Europe.

Hiding, Hiding with.

Was it Ellen Degenerate and Ellen Degenerate.

Intentional.

Okay.

And.

And Tom Hanks and all the other celebs that have like sneaking out of the.

They're terrified.

They're terrified that those lists are coming.

Out and you know something happening.

If you talk to somebody that's not a Trump supporter, like he'll never let them out because he's on the list.

Well, let's find out.

Yeah.

Degenerates in England.

I said they're still.

They're asking Republicans about Elon Musk.

They just want somebody to just say something against them and it's not happening.

How do you feel about Elon Musk.

Kind of getting involved in politics?

From a backhanded way it seems.

I love it.

I think everybody should be involved in politics.

This place works best if people are involved, that they're paying attention, they're fully engaged, holding us accountable, keeping us like kind of where we need to be.

I think you're safe.

Byron.

There's a.

There's a.

Is that because he's black?

Is that why he's safe?

I don't know.

I think Byron Donald is.

I know, me too.

I like him.

He's one of the good ones.

I keep.

I hope he keeps good.

Politician, Republican.

Okay.

So I hope he continues to move up the ladder.

I know.

I heard what you said.

You can't prove it.

Yeah, you're good.

I mean, listen, the system doesn't work if everybody's not paying attention.

That's what got us into the mess.

No, that's true.

So we're in this mess now.

36 trillion massive agencies that don't do what they're supposed to do.

Because listen, America, best country in the world.

Most of our people have been focused on their lives, building their businesses, built great in their families and it's all great stuff.

Yeah.

But the federal government in Washington has been operating without much of a check from the American people.

Love the Elon's involved.

We got to keep that going because that's how you save the Republic.

Right?

You know what?

Why not?

What's going to Happen.

They're not paying them.

They're not paying Vivek.

Right.

Oversight is good.

I like people to look at shit.

That bill alone.

Ridiculous.

And they're so mad at it.

They're so mad.

And Dreamy Mike Johnson.

I'm sorry, but he's just as good for Dreamy Mike.

Culpable as the rest of them.

He is.

He was involved.

Well, I still think there's something that we are not aware of because there's no way he's in a text group messaging thing with Elon and Vivek and then tried to pull.

So he.

There's.

I think he did.

There's.

I think he did.

I don't think.

I don't think he thought that they were going to read that bill.

And when he read that bill, he was like.

And he's a Christian man, you know, and he doesn't drink, smoke, or.

He only cusses when it slips out.

Well, that's a damn shame.

And he said, what did they do?

Homework's on the phone.

Mitch, they read the fucking bill, huh?

What are we gonna do now?

Who's Mitch?

He.

Mitch should have left 20 years ago.

Pelosi on one arm and all the dipshits from California.

Was it that Maxine Waters.

Oh, my God, she's gotta go.

I'm telling you right now, what they should do is at the beginning of the session, everybody at a certain age.

Let's make it 60.

Has to take a cognitive test.

Just you stumbling over that.

I'm still letting you hang.

I was trying to figure a word.

Cognitive.

I was trying to figure a word.

I was going to say.

What's the.

I wanted to say.

I had like three words and none of them came out right.

I was going to say cognac.

A cognac test.

I wanted to say cognac and I couldn't figure out the fucking word.

Kanye test.

Yeah, they have to take a Kanye test.

Bob says Elise Feinstein had the.

The decency to die.

Yeah.

But they would still wheel their out there and she starts giving a speech and they're like, no, no.

Yes or no?

Just say yes.

Yes.

Who they give her seat to?

I don't know.

Immediately.

I forgot.

I forget.

I don't know.

But it's, you know, it's ridiculous.

Here's a spa thought from Sparky.

It says, has anyone thought of how the Dems have no problem with killing babies, but they have an issue with killing those on death row?

Yeah, that's another one.

Yeah.

Biden.

He communicated.

He communicated all the death row patients, you know, I need a cognac test.

I'll tell you that right now.

I think you've been having a cognac test.

I need a cognac test.

Sparky says small words.

Small words.

Yeah, small words.

Oh, my goodness.

Sometimes I try to take a word and make it sound like I try to Archie Bunker it for kids back in the 70s.

There's a show called all in the Family.

And the guy Archie Bunker used to do that with words because he was old.

He did.

You know, Archie Bunker was in his 50s.

He was even in her late 40s.

It's so sad when you go back and look, I was like, God damn it.

Yeah, I'm older than Archie Bunker.

So old.

Doing this shit.

Yeah, I'm older than.

Than Dingbat.

What do you call her?

Dingbat.

Yeah.

You?

Dingbat.

Yeah, I loved her.

She was so sweet.

And every once in a while, she came out with some deeper thoughts that you're like, oh, yeah.

I mean, I want things to go back to, like, the 80s and the 90s where we can have good TV shows.

We have to worry about offending fucking people.

And people can talk without qualifying what they're going to say.

You know when you say apologizing before you.

Yeah, apologizing.

Not that there's anything wrong.

If you want to do it, it's fine.

I hate that shit.

Shut up.

Just say what you want to say.

Like I do.

Say what you want to say and take your lumps.

Canceled.

Yeah, take your lumps.

That's all.

Here's a good.

Here's a feel good story.

You know Dave Portnoy from Barstool Sports?

I love his one slice, one bite, Things of videos.

I do like that he was down by me.

Yeah.

He comes in, grabs a pizza, opens it up, takes a.

Takes a bite, and gives it a score.

So it was in Baltimore.

Yeah.

And he ran into this guy.

Watch out for the snow.

Still Presidente.

Yeah.

All right.

Oh, he said, watch out.

No, I didn't know what the hell he was talking about.

Tiny brick oven.

That looks good.

We have this whole backstory.

I didn't let him remake it because we're leaving the city.

We're parked illegally.

Wow.

The pleasure is all mine.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

All right.

We're picking up pie.

It's utter.

Austin.

This is unbelievable.

Yes, sir.

I gotta make you another one, man.

I don't have time.

You don't have time?

I'm sorry.

All right.

Okay.

Oh, my God, man.

This Is incredible.

Looks great, though.

This is so wild, man.

Can I get a selfie with you?

Yeah, of course.

Oh, my gosh, man.

You're like, my hero, bro.

Like, when all these businesses were shutting down and you were, like, doing all those grants and everything, and, like, I was like, man, this guy is a.

Is the deer is the real deal, man.

I appreciate that, man.

I'm glad we hit the spot.

This guy reminds me of Steel Toe.

He looks like Steel Toe.

He absolutely looks like he'd be related to that.

Yes.

I'm glad you hit it, too.

I didn't even know you were in Baltimore.

We just got into the day.

Welcome to Charm City, man.

Thank you.

I appreciate it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's so cool.

Wow.

This.

You know, one of my.

One of my customers here, she's been tagging because we're getting ready to close.

And she was like, oh, what do you mean again?

We're getting ready to close, man.

We can't get our liquor license here.

It's been, like, closed forever.

Yeah, forever.

Forever.

And she was like.

She was like, oh, like, Stool, Presidente can help you.

Stool.

He's like, from my hometown.

I'm gonna tag him.

He's gonna show up.

I was like, well, we're just not making any money, man.

It's been crazy.

The thing is, our politicians gave this market down here their liquor license, but they won't give us ours.

It's been.

It's been crazy, man.

It's been totally crazy.

I immediately thought of her, man.

I was completely blown away.

Well, stop it so you don't have to play the whole thing.

So basically, this guy's very chatty.

Jesus.

Very.

A very nice young man who has a pizza place in Baltimore, apparently very good pizza.

Dave Portnoy shows up to review it, finds out, as you heard, that the guy's looking to close on Christmas because he's not making any money issues with the city, all that bullshit.

It was.

It's a long, long video.

It's like a five minute video.

Five or six minutes, right?

It's on our X feed.

I put it up, I think Christmas Eve or Christmas Day even.

And it is a warm, fuzzy video.

If you can get through the whole thing, it is the last.

Are you going to tell the story?

What happened?

Well, I'm kind of summing it up.

I didn't think you were going to play the whole video.

So basically, Dave Portnoy rated his pizza, thought it was good, and then asked him what did he need?

He went back inside, asked him what did he need?

And the guy didn't even have a number ready.

Finally came up with a number and Dave Portnoy said, deal done.

You got it.

$60,000.

He's giving him $60,000 to so he can keep the place.

That guy was stupid, stunned.

And he's a young, He's a veteran, trying to keep this thing going.

Feeding the homeless, providing meals for people as they, as they need them.

Like one of those, like, pay ahead sort of opportunities where if you want to pay for a meal for somebody.

So the guy really does a lot of good in the community and not only with the businesses.

Yeah.

And not only that.

He, he, right now there's.

He has so much business, he can't even keep up.

Right now people in the community are ordering pizza from him.

So it is a good, feel good story.

But my God, that guy can talk.

Jesus Christ.

He talks and says.

I think he was so excited that Dave Port and I walked in literally like a couple days before.

Well, wouldn't you chatter?

I mean, you'd be nervous.

These guys seemed a little nervous maybe.

I don't think I would.

I think I would get to the point.

No, I think I would.

Listen, I'm a seasoned podcaster.

I know how to talk.

Yes.

I might not be able to.

I might not pronounce words correctly, but I sure do know how to talk.

One thing I can do.

Not so pretty.

But I can get to the point.

No, I, I think that's great.

Again, it was a, It's a very nice video.

And it's just, again, it's just the warm fuzzies.

Because it's so nice to see something good like Dave, he's got tons of money and not that he didn't earn it and, and deserves it, but it's nice that he just like, he said, oh, 60,000.

And the guy came up with the number and he just, he was just like, done.

Here's, here's my number.

Let's set it up.

We'll give you 60 grand.

He liked the pizza enough and he liked the story.

And the guy, he gave it a 7.9.

You know, it's not really.

It's.

It's a good number for a reheated pizza.

Oh, okay.

Reheated pizza.

Because he wouldn't let him make a fresh pie.

I gotta go.

So he, because he does, you know, he's usually for like a real good pizza is like in the eights, like 8, 4, 8, 5.

Yeah.

7, 9.

I was like, that's not a great score.

It's an average.

I would say it's one of his average scores.

He qualified it saying it was a.

Okay.

I didn't, I, I didn't get to the end because a guy wouldn't shut the.

Up.

The guy talks.

He, he was so excited though.

He was, he was so happy.

And it was just, it was nice.

It was just a nice thing to see.

It was a feel good story.

I like those.

And, and so Here he said 60k to stay open.

He was fair.

He didn't get greedy because he didn't say like, oh, 100 grand.

Yeah, you know, that was good.

But Google head says I too have a failing pizza place and need $60,000.

Me too.

Yeah.

You know what you do?

You go over to, you go over to the supermarket and you buy because Portnoy has his own pizza brand, I think it's called.

Oh, does he?

Yeah, yeah.

It says frozen pizza.

You go buy them and you heat them up and you get 60 grand for that.

You buy his pizza.

It's a profit deal.

Huh.

Do you know what brand?

I have no idea.

It's his own brand.

He has his own brand.

What's it called?

It's called One Bite.

Oh, I have no idea.

Hang on.

No, that's fine.

I want to give it a go.

I'll give it a goo.

Okay, give it the googs.

He came down to Long beach island and raided one of the Surf City pizza places.

And they were very excited about it.

They did pretty good because you know, as soon as they pick the pizza up and you see it like bend, I'm like, oh, it's got the flop.

Yeah, it's no good.

No flops.

Gotta have good.

He's got another one.

One Bite pizza.

It's called One Bite Pizza.

Yeah, and it's a, it's in your frozen.

It's in your frozen food section.

That goes against what he does for the pizza places, like go support local pizza places or buy my frozen pizza.

But if you don't want to go out and you want a good frozen pizza, just buy my One Bite frozen pizzas.

See, I started following him a little bit more when he got that the, the rescue dog that does Peaches, I think it's name, the dog's name is okay.

And he, he like, I don't know how the process was, but I think he wasn't expecting to get a dog and now got a dog.

And this dog is spoiled rotten.

Of course it is.

And she.

Oh good.

Well, he loves the dog.

So it's, it's just funny to, to see him.

Like the dog comes in all the videos, all the videos and it's just, it's fun.

I miss my dog.

So are you getting.

Not getting another dog?

Not yet.

We're not home enough.

I feel bad, okay.

I don't want to get a dog and then we're not home to play with it, take care of it.

Right.

It's a chunk of my time.

I'm not here.

Paul's not here.

You're an empty nester now.

Yeah, I'm out and about, man.

I got shit to do.

Right.

Places to go, people to see.

Yes.

You've already raised your kids.

Yeah, okay, I'll take.

I get it.

Oh, Bruce.

Ain't nothing like a California west coast pizza.

Yeah, you can keep it.

You keep that garbage.

Keep that tomato pizza.

Tomato soup on dough on crackers.

Jersey is the best pizza.

Better in New York.

I would say if anybody competes with us, it would be New York pizza.

Right?

I would, I would say we are neck, neck to neck on that.

All right, so we don't have a.

All right.

The rest.

As a restaurant manager for over a decade, it is part of the gig to talk to customers.

Yeah, I understand, Adam.

I understand that.

It's.

Talk to them.

But just don't keep repeating yourself.

It makes you.

Hi, Adam.

You start to.

You start to get.

You start to recoil as a customer if a guy walks out and says, hey, how's the pizza?

Good.

And, oh, you know something?

Just keep it going.

You just keep repeating yourself.

You look stupid.

It's a trick to make it seem like your food isn't taking as long.

If you're providing conversations station.

And that's correct because otherwise you're just standing there blinking at each other.

So you keep.

You talk.

How you doing?

And it's Dave Portnoy.

So he's going to talk to him.

He's probably starstruck.

I have some stupid.

Yeah, you pretend like you've been there before.

Just saying.

Been there before where?

Pretend like people know who he.

Pretend like you've been there before.

Pretend like it's not a big deal that he's there.

I'm a.

Okay, all right.

Day, poor night walks in.

Dave, big fan.

Love to have you here.

Listen, I would like to make a real new pie for you.

All right?

Let me reheat a pie.

You have to give me something.

And then I'm glad you're here because if you're here next week we're going to be closing and he asks whatever and Then you know, not just repeating yourself, rubbing your hands on your.

I didn't know whether to give him a pizza or steal second base.

Did you Monday morning quarterback this poor guy talking to Dave Portnoy?

Yeah.

So it's so easy to watch and go like, wow, he's really chatty.

He's very true.

He's more like Aaron than you thought.

I said that Google head says let the man stim.

Absolutely.

Oh, they poured out here.

Yeah, he was.

He was rubbing that apron.

He was so nervous, that poor guy.

I'm sure looking back, he's probably like, oh my God.

I didn't.

Shut up because that's.

He's embarrassed.

I'm sure he is.

But at least he's able to stay open and I'm very happy about that.

I hope he gets his liquor Liz license.

You can go to his.

If you get to the end of the video, there's a link where you can sign your name and click for a thing to get him.

See if he get him to get on the list to get his liquor license.

So.

But you're not in bal.

Why not?

I get it.

All right.

Do you want to do here we can do I have a couple.

Am I the.

That is about Christmas?

Oh, absolutely.

Are they train wrecks?

Well, here's one I would really like to go to because it kind of hits home for me.

Okay, all right, here we go.

Am I the asshole for telling my wife I don't want to spend Christmas with her family every year?

My wife, 28, female.

My wife comes from a very close knit family.

Every single Christmas we spend the holidays with her parents, sister and her sister's family.

It's always the same.

Wake up at the at their house, open presents, big lunch and an evening spent playing board games.

Don't get me wrong, I love our family.

The tradition is nice.

But here's the issue.

In the six years we've been married, we've never had a Christmas.

It's just us or even one with my side of the family.

My parents live across the country and traveling to see them during the holidays is expensive.

So we usually do end up visiting them at another time.

This year I suggested we do something different.

I wanted to spend Christmas with just the two of us and our daughter at home or even go to my parents for once.

My wife immediately shut it down, saying Christmas is meant to be spent with her family and would break their hearts if we didn't come.

When I pressed the issue, she said I was being selfish for not valuing the Traditions that are important to her.

And I told her it feels like her family's feelings always come first and that I want to start some of our own traditions, even if it's just every other year.

Now that she's upset and told me I've ruined the holiday spirit, her parents even got wind of the conversation.

Wonder how that happened.

Not sure how.

And are now saying they don't know if they did.

They don't know what they did to make me feel unwelcome?

No.

Am I a jerk for wanting to switch things up for Christmas or should I just accept that her family's.

Her family's traditions are the total.

She's a total.

How dare you.

Well, well, okay, so it's in the six years we've been married.

So that means she was 22 and he was.

She's 28, so.

So they got married at 22 for the.

Yeah.

So.

Well, six years they've been together.

Six years.

We don't know how.

The kid's five, so I would imagine.

Okay, well, they said for the six years we've been married.

Oh, okay.

I'm sorry.

Okay, so that means they got married kid right away and they don't.

They've never had Christmas in their own home?

No.

See, so the way we did it, because when we were sans kids and either living together and or married, like it got to the point it was just.

We were, we were able to travel.

So whoever had the baby, like at that point where there's nobody here, but my sister in law would come out from California and she'd go to my mother in law.

So we'd go to my mother in law's, do Christmas dinner.

We did Christmas morning with my mom and my grandmother.

We stopped to see my dad.

So it was like a whole.

Every year.

This is what we did.

So we visited like dignitaries.

We started at one house, ended at another.

So.

But once we had kids, once we had our eldest, they all came down to us and we, we created our own tradition and then we ended up reworking some other.

And here's the thing.

You can celebrate Christmas anytime.

Just because it's December 25th does not mean you couldn't celebrate Christmas the week before or the week after or just create your own tradition.

Like it's not.

People are such dicks.

Like, stop it.

So did your kid have Christmas in her own home?

Well, when I was dating my ex wife, right the first time that I went for Christmas to her family's house, I was informed that they do Christmas this way every Year they all come to this house that this is, you know, this.

And I used to call it the, the seven days.

I used to have the seven days.

There were seven of them.

The seven days of ex wife's family's Christmas.

We used to have to go to everybody's house and see everybody's tree.

I'm like, it's a fucking tree.

It's got lights, it's got Christmas balls.

I really don't give a fuck, you know, so you spent every day.

Now they've moved away and you know, so that it's not that way anymore.

But I understand it, you know, when a family's overbearing and they don't want to share or, you know, we never went to my mother's or anything like that.

It was tough.

And I used to catch too from my mom.

Yeah.

Because she's like, you know, what's this?

What am I, chopped liver?

Yeah.

And sometimes they would invite my mom to, to the family thing.

But I don't know, it's again, it should be where they switch back and forth.

It should be in every other year thing.

It's only fair.

I think every other year is completely, completely fair, you know, and why not invite, why not have your own tradition?

Invite your, your parents to stay with you?

You know, it was really weird.

This is how we kind of did it with my.

When I was a kid, this is how we kind of did it.

So Christmas Eve we, We had a huge house.

And so Christmas Eve we had, Everybody was open house, anybody wanted to come over, my dad's friends, my mom's friends, our family.

It was there.

We had food.

There was all kinds of food come.

In and out all day.

Yeah, they came in and out all day.

And then on Thanksgiving, we would make it.

We would go to my mom's, my aunt's on my mom's side for dinner.

Or the next year we would go to my uncle's on my dad's side, you know, whatever.

But it was like in every other thing, every year thing.

But the, the New Year's Eve thing was, was really cool because like, you know, you had your cousins over and it was, you know, I mean, the place, the house was filled with people.

It was really fun.

Awesome.

Yeah.

So.

But that was kind of, that was one way of doing it, or you kind of work it out.

But when, when someone sits there and says, oh, we have traditions and this is it and you have to, you know, it's my way or the highway.

You got to create new traditions.

There's new people in your family.

You have to include them.

Yeah, they have their people.

So what do you just drop everybody like their piece of.

Right.

You know, it was, it's very.

It was very difficult.

It made.

There were some holidays that I was just like, I don't want to eat another bite of turkey at another house.

Because we'd start, start with my mom, my grandmother, because of course.

And then we'd go to my, my dad and then finally went my dad's like, don't eat, don't, don't, don't.

It's fine.

Or you would go to.

You would go to one person's house.

For dinner, dessert at the other, dessert.

At the other ones.

Yes.

Yeah.

It still felt dirty though.

Like, it's still like, I can only be here for an hour and a half.

Like it was just.

I'm like, where's the pie?

Well, we're here on the table.

Then it was like my mom, my mom.

My grandmother would eat early and then.

So by the time we got to my mother in law's, it was a whole nother meal.

And you know her, her foods were different than what my mom and my grandmother made.

So of course I got to try some of these.

And I remember the first year I did that, I was like the next morning, I'm like, I'm so sick.

Like all these like very rich, bull, buttery.

I came from my mom, my grandmother's.

It was all like leaner because everybody had cholesterol issues.

Not nobody had.

Well, everybody had cholesterol issues at my mother in law's house because everybody ate butter and gravy and grease and bacon.

It was delicious.

But I was sick for like two days afterwards.

It's so rich.

Well, what's nice now is I'm on the.

I'm on the manjaro.

So when I go, it's just like a little bit of this, a little bit of that, and all on the next day.

I didn't have any problem.

Traditions got thrown out.

Out when the kids had kids and other in laws involved and spread out.

Yeah, spread out all over the.

Yeah, it's tough.

It's really tough.

Just got to make it work, that's all.

It's like sex.

Try something different and then do anal every other time.

Okay, Dean.

Yeah.

When in doubt, tri anal.

That's Dean's.

That's what?

There's a drop.

Mike, can you please grab that?

Answer to everything.

Anal.

Here's what Mike says.

Hair pie.

The absolute best.

Oh, gross.

Oh, Sparky wants to Know if you shot guns every New Year's Eve?

We did.

Apparently people do around here.

Yeah, we did fireworks.

But we would go out and shoot them in the air like retards because they.

All that stuff's got to come down, you know, Anal equals default move.

I don't know, man.

Dean, I would say, you know, if that's your.

If that's your gig, and God love you if it is.

You know, you should be able to give and receive.

Got to get past the ring of pain.

I got a God burning ring of.

Pain I hurt my myself to.

I hurt myself tonight the wife drove it in so dry the blood began.

Well, that's a happy holiday message for everybody.

Oh, my goodness.

All right, we're going to talk about.

But did you have a.

Do you have a good holiday, though, otherwise with the kids?

Yeah, it's.

Honest to God, it's like, I hate Christmas and I'm so glad it's over.

I.

I hate Christmas.

So.

No, I know grandbabies and stuff.

Yeah, that was fun.

I.

It was.

My daughter knitted my granddaughter a unicorn that's from a TV show.

And it.

You know what it looked like?

It looked like the.

What's the lady that used to have the.

The lamb.

What was Sherry?

Lamb Chop.

Lamb Chop and Sherry.

Okay.

Sherry Lewis, I think.

Sherry Lewis and Lamb Chop.

So I hate that thing.

So now I have the thing on my hand and now she's like.

And I'm like, so I didn't know that this was a cartoon character that's named Unicorn.

So then I got to do.

I'm like, what's my name?

And then she goes, unicorn.

I go, unicorn.

That's what I am.

What's my name?

And she's like, unicorn.

Unicorn.

And I'm like, yoon Acorn.

Is that my name?

Yoon Acorn.

And she's like, unicorn.

I'm like, okay, Unicorn.

Messing with your granddaughter.

How old is she?

She's three.

No.

Yeah.

So, yeah, it was fun.

So now I'm doing.

Yeah, I'm doing material.

Fascinating.

I'm doing material for my.

My granddaughter.

And I'm like, I'm running out of G material here.

I'm gonna have to use the word cunt soon, so.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, but she'll repeat it.

That's the problem at 3.

They remember those words.

I know.

I'm going to tell the story.

I got this shirt.

Yeah.

I'm going to tell the story that I told Duchess.

So my granddaughter's.

I think she's four.

No, she's Four.

I'm sorry, she's four.

So my ex wife texted my daughter and it was like 9:00 and the text goes off and.

And my granddaughter goes, who the fuck is texting this late?

And you know when something comes out.

Like that, you want to bring.

You know who your granddaughter is.

Yeah.

You want to bust up.

Laughs.

Crack me up.

We're kid.

Oh, her mother must have been like.

Oh, oh, you just crack up.

It's hysterical.

You can't, you can't.

I know, because you notice it's not.

It's not even the fact they curse.

It's the fact they use it in absolutely the right context and tone.

Shocking.

My daughter wants my younger one.

She was in the house and I had the dishwasher open.

I was loading it and she tripped and fell and like, just like, great.

Almost like could have literally popped her eye out like on the corner.

Of course.

Just misses it.

I was like, oh.

And then, you know, picked her up and she was fine.

And then when we were driving in the car like a week later and I, I turned sharp or something and I hear in the back, oh.

Like I was like, oh, no.

Like, and it was like perfectly placed.

Like, it was like, she wasn't wrong.

Right.

I just can't have 3 year olds saying, oh, you know, yeah.

Or worse.

Who the is texting this late?

All right, are we doing anything with the steps?

We are not.

Because we're going to do a final recap.

Okay.

On Monday.

So you all just have to hang in there for that.

All right.

Last little bit.

And Josh is amazing.

He's doing that for the write up for me.

So thank you, Josh.

I'm a facilitator.

That's why you're facilitated.

Yes, you are.

Well, I like what I would have done was not nearly as nice as what he did.

He offered and I was like, I'm all for it.

So I don't know if we're going to be doing it for 20, 25.

He might be like this.

She's doing, she's taking.

Right.

It's way too much work.

But he was doing it.

All right, well, that's it for now.

We will be back Monday in studio.

The Duchess will be live.

Yeah, can't wait for that.

Can't wait to have this here.

Yay.

Well, as I once again invite myself to.

Can't.

Can't hang up on you.

No, you cannot.

I can throw at you too.

Whoops.

Gotta get that.

I'm trying to get rid of this.

All right, Sparky.

Says what?

Dutchess live in studio.

Oh, yeah.

Duchess live in studio.

I will grace John with my presence.

And I'll be sure to say hi to the Jimmy when he shows up.

Yeah.

Because you know he's going to show up.

Well, he's right there.

Like, he sees the car.

He's like, oh, what's going on with the.

Is he, like, out the window?

Like, someone's at John's.

I see the Duchess is over.

I have to go over and say hello.

Let's see.

So Mike's.

I'm guessing these are Mike Steps.

13,004, 73.

3.

So let's see where I'm at.

Oh, really?

Let's see.

Good job, Mike.

That's awesome.

Let's see here.

I'm only at 12,238, which is like 5.32 miles, but I also biked five miles on my.

On the stationary, so.

But they don't count steps, though.

I got it.

But good job, Mike.

I am getting.

At the beginning of the year, I am getting a.

What's it called?

Treadmill.

I am getting a treadmill for the house.

Yes.

Oh, I'm happy for you.

That's awesome.

Yeah, I'll probably fall off and break my neck, but whatever.

Gotta go slow.

Well, you gotta hang on to that emergency stop so you can clip it.

So if you fall, it, like, pops.

Like a walker.

Well, what.

It.

It's like a little.

It's got, like, a safety stop on it, and the one end has a clip, like a little grabber.

And you.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yes.

It pops.

It.

That thing stops, like, on the dime.

Like, boom.

Does it call 91 1?

Give the address.

So people, your life alert will have to do that.

Jesus.

All right, everybody.

Goodness, you guys are the best.

We hope you had a great Christmas and holiday, and I'm looking forward to Monday.

No, John's not, but I am now.

We're gonna.

We're gonna have good pizza.

Ooh, pizza.

Or whatever you want.

I don't care.

Whatever.

No, I like the idea of pizza.

All right, we'll have good pizza, and we'll see you then.

Nice.

All right, everybody, have a good weekend.

Enjoy your weekend.

It was fun.

Take care, everyone.

Bye.